Although we know little more about politics than the average high school freshman, we have been swept up in all the hoo-ha of the Pennsylvania primary. But before we get into this rambling we will let you know that we will not express our own political views (because we don't have them) and we will not try to push one candidate over another (because ... see previous parenthetical confession).
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To make a long story short, the barrel-chested secret service squad that cased the building are smarter than they look. We sent our friend, Alex (one of Chad's office mates), through the bowels of the building searching for a secret entrance. At one point he got yelled at by the only female member of the SS. She had the bubbly presence of Pat Summitt and Hillary all tied into one, and Alex still, over a week later, is not sleeping well. We, on the other hand, were unfazed, gave up on our quest to hear Slick Willy, and went home to watch a re-run of The Office.
We, again, thought that Chad's status as "average graduate student" and his knowledge of the campus lawn could get us closer to Barack than the diehards waiting in the mile-and-a-half-long line to get through the metal detector. We (Chad) failed. Kathi made it clear that she needed binoculars because he was so far away and x-ray vision to see through the weeping willow between us and the podium.
Penn State offensive tackle, Gerald Cadogan, kicked things off with the national anthem. Gerald is a great student-athlete and a great person. We pretend to know him because he goes to our church and he said hi to Kathi once during the "greet one another" time one Sunday morning. Chad was so jealous at not getting to greet him that he marked the "needs prayer support" box in the friendship bulletin that went down our pew later in the service.
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Barack then excited the 22,000 fans (crowd) by jumping into a stand-up comedy routine that had the audience splitting their sides (again, not expressing our views). His self-deprecating monologue rivalled Jon Stewart's opening to the Academy Awards this year. Stewart talked about the difficulty of Obama sharing his middle name with the last name of one of the worst tyrants the world has ever seen, and having a last name that rhymes with the man behind the 9/11 massacre. History is against Obama, because a similarly evil-named presidential nominee, Gay-dolph Titler, should have won the 1944 election had he been known by any other name.
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